29 Reasons Nightclubs Suck
1. Club-goers more concerned with status-posturing than having fun.
2. Club-owners whom find new inventive ways to treat their patrons like garbage, well-knowing when people are disrespected they attempt to buy respect.
3. Jerkoff doormen that let hot women in immediately and treat men like they’re lucky to get in at all.
4. Doormen given the power to turn people away based upon fickle, largely ridiculous criteria.
5. Expensive cover even when a no-name DJ is “performing.”
6. Obnoxious music intended to induce feelings of excitement and reduce people to their physiology.
7. Hollywood-level fakeness: silicone DD boobs, caked-on makeup, hair extensions, spray-on tans, faux-designer accessories, Rolexes, fat stacks of (mainly) low denomination bills, colored contacts, dental veneers.
8. Nothing really happens: options are limited to douche-watching, screaming over obscenely loud music, stupefying yourself with alcohol, or making half-assed attempts at “dancing.”
9. Men are the big spenders at clubs yet get treated like second-class citizens by staff and increasingly entitled bar girls.
10. Overcrowding: sweaty juiceheads bump into you without apology. Divas get flustered that you’re in her majesties’ way when the onus is on her to maneuver around the crowd.
11. Bouncers with an axe to grind, itching to rough men up without legal retribution.
12. MMA wannabes: threatening others or fighting over inconsequential things.
13. Self-paparazzi: Divas in training constantly photographing themselves and their friend group. On-site attention whoring is a platform for more attention-seeking via social media.
14. Drink thieves: blackout drunk peasants that have the audacity of King Kong.
15. Lighting gimmicks and beer goggles make everyone appear sexier than they really are.
16. Primal behavior is rewarded while meaningful communication is largely impossible.
17. Women dance on top of tables or even the bar. Men naïve enough to join in are swiftly ejected by bouncers.
18. Cocky bartenders so fed up with dealing with drunks that they’re scarcely able to treat anyone with dignity.
19. Lone wolf scrotes assuming aggressive postures near the dance floor staring down women and giving men the stink eye.
20. Mediocre-looking women with massive egos and overdeveloped bitch shields.
21. Bartenders and waitresses so unresponsive or annoying to deal with, you’re forced to go with bottle service.
22. Bottle (lack of) service is a monumental rip-off: markup ranges from 400 to 1,000%.
23. Women feel entitled to free drinks. Men dumb enough to buy women drinks all night usually leave the club empty-handed and with a near-emptied wallet.
24. Ladies night: Spoiled females are offered free cover or cheap drinks by club owners, leaving men with the brunt of the expense.
25. Club-culture pressures average guys to behave like $30k millionaires in order to impress women.
26. Club-culture encourages women to wear as little as possible. Feminism encourages them to act outraged when men notice.
27. Small, inadequate restrooms and stalls so disgusting you wish what was seen could be unseen.
28. Men proudly hold bottles of Grey Goose in an attempt to attract parasitic women.
29. Wearing sunglasses indoors is tolerated in clubs with stringent dress codes. (joke)
To wrap-up here’s a clip from ‘Nightclubs are hell. What’s cool or fun about a thumping, sweaty dungeon full of posing idiots?’ by Charlie Brooker: