Food for the lava pit.

Reflecting on my past self as a dating novice is an uncomfortable trip indeed. I’ve made plenty of embarrassing blunders in my dealings with women throughout the years. In an attempt to preserve my pride, I had swallowed enough proverbial blue pills to fill a 100 gallon aquarium. It never did help much. Once I finally took the red pill, all those comfortable lies about romance became about as relevant as children’s stories.

Today I noticed a surprisingly perturbing mistake sitting in the dustiest corner of my bookshelf. It’s a banal tome called ‘Understanding Women: The Definitive Guide to Meeting, Dating and Dumping, if Necessary’ by Romy Miller.

I picked it up close to a decade ago when I was far less cynical about the dating scene. Even back then I knew something deeply amiss about the advice.

Supposedly you don’t need a Ph.D. in psychology to be an expert about women’s thoughts, feelings and desires. One merely needs a vagina.

From the blurb on the back of the book:

Romy Miller is a woman. She understands women. Now she’s going to help you do the same.

Understanding Women: The Definitive Guide to Meeting, Dating and Dumping, if Necessary will turn you into a dating machine and help you go from loser to lover in no time flat. Taking an in-your-face approach, this book leaves no excuses for you to not only succeed with women but to understand them as well. If this book doesn’t do the trick, nothing will.

The ‘in-your-face approach’ it speaks of is commonly referred to as talking down to your audience. From the start it reads like she is addressing a class of retarded fifth graders.

Sometimes you will think I am a bitch from hell. I don’t care. I am going to straighten you out. Someone has to or you’re never going to get laid or ever have the opportunity for a woman to make your life miserable.

Her advice ranges from hopelessly biased to so clichéd, it sounds like something your mother told you before going to your first semi-formal.

The chapter titles speak volumes: ‘It’s all about the Benjamins,’ ‘Never let her see you cry like a baby,’ ‘The wheels,’ ‘Get a good job if you don’t already have one,’ ‘The pad,’ ‘Bitchy-beautiful girls,’ ‘Do not disrespect her,’ ‘Are you stalker material? Don’t be,’ ‘The bitch is back: Dealing with PMS,’ ‘Keep your eyes to yourself,’ ‘Buy her gifts,’ ‘The engagement ring.’

In order for the reader to be accepted by women, he’ll need to model his every behavior, and lifestyle choices around what the author personally likes. She even gets into specific music and attire, as if men are confused aliens awkwardly trying to learn about human culture.

It’s lined with feminist propaganda that the average Joe she claims to be looking out for cares nothing about. Of course she’s no longer egalitarian when it comes to matters of finance. The man is required to shower his love interest in gifts, and must refuse to let his date pay for anything.

Predictably females are never to be held accountable for their misdeeds. Even if women continually burn a man, he needs to roll with the punches and take it like a champ. Oh yeah, and it’s a scientific fact that women are ‘genetically superior.’ Here’s a clip:

One thing you are going to have to do before you begin to transform your life is to stop whining about how difficult women are. We’ve went through a lot of crap to get here and we’re not about to just give it up. A woman’s role today is NOT of a subordinate. More than anything she is your genetic superior. Think about it. She can pop a baby out of her vagina. You can’t.

How is it possible to have a meaningful relationship with someone that thinks they have more inherent value than you do? She unabashedly discloses her perception that men are disposable peasants that must prove their worth. What’s the prize for their efforts? Her majesties companionship and occasional sex, but only for as long as he tirelessly produces like a good worker bee.

Miller derives pleasure from shit testing men and judging their reactions. Her pearls of wisdom for guys who have screwed up:

Whatever you do, if she’s in love (or like) with you, she will forgive you—eventually. But you will have to work for it, believe me. It will blow over after she’s made you “pay” for it for a while. Women do this so you know she won’t take any crap. It’s a protective measure and a test. Women love giving men tests. I think just to see how badly they will fail. And then they grade you, rarely on a curve.

Men making judgments of their own, based on a woman’s physical attractiveness, are poo-pooed. She rants about men that give women scores out of ten. Miller warns that they’ll be hell to pay if a woman catches a man doing this. Seriously, what man doesn’t realize women don’t like locker-room talk?

She lambasts men that talk about their feelings on the first few dates, calling the practice “tacky and just a little bit creepy.” Men need to be strong, but not too strong:

… Never alpha male a woman! By this I mean, don’t push her around and don’t try to “control” her in any way. I have seen this happen and it just makes me cringe. Never try to get the upper hand.

Later Miller admits that if you pursue a long-term relationship, a woman will try to change you as a matter of course. Control is only acceptable, if it’s emotional manipulation initiated by the female. Machismo bastards need to throw in the towel.

You’re not a male chauvinist pig, are you? If so, you are going to have a hard time hooking up. If you think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, why are you even bothering? Women expect and demand respect. If you aren’t willing to give it to her, go buy a blow-up doll to be your girlfriend. She won’t contradict you. And she’s always available.

In a chapter called ‘How to talk to a woman,’ she reveals her double standard:

When talking, you should:

• Never contradict her.
• Never roll your eyes.
• etc.

I could pull questionable material from this book all day. For the full experience, grab a copy and buckle in.

I’ve never come across a self-help book that offers so little empathy to its intended audience. It’s ironically about serving women’s needs and not men’s. Any male pursuit that doesn’t directly benefit women is written off as meaningless. To her, a man is nothing more than an appliance; his humanity and autonomy be damned.

As much as I want to rip this book up and toss it in the trash on a visceral level, it has value in a sense the author never intended. It will indeed help you understand women. You’ll learn about the mentality of the worst kind.